Reasons why it would be a good idea to go to a therapist with your husband or wife. Couples therapy is one of the most useful offers of psychological intervention.
Contrary to what happens in other forms of psychotherapy, it is not necessary to have received a diagnosis of mental disorder to resort to it, because the nucleus in which couples therapy works is not the individual, but the relationship.
We are Relationship Counselling Australia, the place with highly qualified therapists that provide guidance with a personalised approach designed according to you and your partner’s specific needs.
Sometimes couples need to go to the psychologist
However, this advantage is, at the same time, a small drawback. The fact that relationships are so variable and that various points of view coexist in them makes the problems in it not be perceived in the same way.
Sometimes it seems that the relationship is going very badly, but soon afterwards very pleasant moments take place in it that make us rethink whether what we thought was a serious problem really was. Sometimes one of the members of the relationship thinks about the marital breakup, while the other does not even know that the other person is not satisfied. At other times, serious problems within the relationship are normalized and are interpreted as normal things, phases that any couple goes through.
Part of these inconsistencies are, why the following question is worth asking: How do you know when the time has come to attend couples therapy?
The moment when it is worth going to couples’ therapy
Here are some guidelines to know when to go to couples’ therapy.
- When the relationship is afflicted with communication failures
Many relationship problems are based on something as simple and as complicated at the same time as communication problems. Attending couples therapy sessions can serve to introduce new relationship dynamics into our lives in which the direct and honest expression of each other’s points of view has a reserved space.
In fact, during the same therapy sessions, the first important exchanges of impressions that were not taking place before will take place.
- When going through a specific crisis
If it is very clear that the problems experienced in the relationship are due to a more or less serious crisis that has to do with a specific event, such as a job dismissal or the death of a loved one, couples therapy can be of great help. usefulness to ensure that this painful experience does not also extend to the private sphere of the relationship.
- When there are problems in intimate relationships
The moment of attending couples therapy is also that in which there is little harmony in intimate relationships and in the expression of affectivity. This involves a wide variety of situations and goes beyond the realm of sexuality.
Simple things like caresses, moments of looking into each other’s eyes in silence or hugging can be a good that is scarce in some relationships, and it can be difficult to “break the ice” to start incorporating this type of behavior into the relationship.
- When there is indecision about future plans
Relationships as a couple are in part the way in which the present is experienced, and in part they are also the way in which the future is planned together.
If discrepancies and conflicts are perceived in this second aspect, couples therapy can offer a space in which each part of the relationship will find new tools to express expectations that they did not know how to express before, and will also have the appropriate context to establish a honest conversation about what everyone wants to find in the relationship.
- When children disturb the peace of the home too much
The appearance of sons and daughters is usually a very happy event, but sometimes it can also cause and not have the necessary space to make the relationship have its moments of intimacy. In couples therapy, effective strategies can be discussed so that the relationship is adapted to this situation.
When not to attend couples therapy
There are certain situations in which the problems in the relationship are so serious that it is not necessary to consider the possibility of going to therapy, and the clearest is that situation in which there is domestic violence and threats.
In situations like these it is very important that the abused party immediately break the relationship and take all necessary measures to be safe.
The cycle of violence and the process of victimization
In 1979 the renowned American psychologist Leonore Walker shed light on how victimization processes work from her research designed to try to understand and answer the questions previously asked.
From the testimonies of battered women, he realized that they are not attacked all the time or in the same way, but that there are phases for violence, which have varied duration and different manifestations. This is what has been called the cycle of violence, one of the most widespread theories on internal dynamics of violent relationships in the world.
This theory contemplates the existence of four phases in all dynamics of relational violence. The phases in which the cycle of violence is divided are succeeding each other, a fact that precisely makes it difficult for the cycle to be broken. In the same relationship, the cycle can be repeated infinitely many times and the duration of its phases can be variable.
- Calm phase
In a first phase, the situation is calm. No disagreements are detected and everything is lived in an idyllic way.
- Voltage Accumulation Phase
Small disagreements begin, as the aggressor feels increasingly questioned by his victim.
- Explosion Phase
The aggressor takes action. It is characterized by a strong discharge of the tensions caused in the previous phase by the aggressor. The most important physical, psychological and / or sexual assaults occur.
- Honeymoon Phase
At first, it is usually the phase responsible for keeping the victim in the cycle, since in it the aggressor initiates a series of compensatory behaviors to demonstrate to the victim that he is sorry and that it will not happen again.
Relationship Counselling Australia can completely change the way you look at your current relationship. Set goals, objectives and strategies to pursue what you both want effectively with our professional assistance. Contact us today for more information about our couples counselling in Australia, our experts will be ready to assist you.