Communication is the key to the well-being of any type of relationship, since it makes each one knows what is significant for the other. Nothing is taken for granted, but any topic, no matter how superfluous or difficult it seems to communicate, is shared with the other.

Communication in pairs involves talking, asking, answering, listening, arguing, agreeing, negotiating… it involves sharing daily life, expressing and knowing thoughts, reflections and interpretations on any question that may arise. For this reasons, here at Relationship Counseling Australia we help couples work on strengthening their communication skills and letting their partners know their feelings and thoughts in a peaceful and conciliating way.

Communication in couples has its own emotional rules

Communication in couples has its own style, different and special. Imagine talking to your coworker about your thoughts on weddings. It is spoken from a non-emotional, not sentimental, but informative and practical level, aimed at giving ideas or public solutions instead of intimate ones. Solving ideas are proposed, short sentences are used. Now imagine that you talk to your boss about money, instruments of competition and power are used, instead of cooperation and companionship.

If we want to discuss difficult issues with our partner and understand each other, it is important to take time to make our relationship more “domestic”. The domestic language in the communication in couples implies that the emotional expression of the feelings, desires, desires, intentions flows, so that the affection and the importance for each one of what is said and what is expressed are understood. This is what we call empathy, that is, the ability to realise what the other is feeling and share their feelings: When you are happy, your partner is also happy; When you feel sad, the other one feels sad as well. We are fellow non-competitors, what one feels the other understands and feels. We cooperate, we support, we console ourselves, we enjoy, etc; we share life on an emotional level.

The most important emotions in a relationship are the feelings of mutual appreciation, those of cheering the other up during difficult situations, joy and happiness. In spite of the difficulties of day to day, we are delighted to share our lives. We share joys and sorrows, pleasure and pain, uncertainty and uneasiness: we are emotionally one, without ceasing to be each one, with our personal spaces to dedicate to others and others.

Domestic language in couple communication favors expressing what we think, increases the exchange of positive emotions (appreciation, joy, joy …) while helping not to maintain negative emotions (anger, sadness, pain, discomfort …) and strengthens our links.

The delicate issues in communication with your partner

When the topics are tricky, however complicated or difficult it may seem, regardless of the matter, they can be shared and understood.

The key is to look for the right moment of intimacy, to be relaxed, to be interested in the other, to listen and respond to him, taking care of both verbal communication, what is said (message content), and non-verbal communication, how it is said (intonation , gestures, look each other in the eyes, postures, caresses, hugs …), while getting someone else to listen to us, respond to us and take an interest in us.

For example, on topics like sex, it is sometimes scary or embarrassing to express what you want. Expressing, for example, our desire to have a day of sex, if we take care of our communication skills, such as assertiveness, we can ask our partner and find the best alternative to enjoy a night of passion.

In sex, as in all tricky subjects, we have to be careful about being inflexible in the face of expectations and changes, as they are inevitable. Talking about what you want, putting yourself in the other’s shoes, and looking for solutions together is the best way to stay connected. Here are some tips to improve your communication with your partner.

10 Keys to improve communication with your partner

1. Take a moment to talk, to deal with each specific topic. Tell your partner “I have to talk to you about… when is it the best time for you?” If it can’t be at the moment try not to postpone it too long. Do it as soon as possible but when you are both relaxed and calm.
2. Think: What do you want to say (content), why are you going to do it (objective) and how are you going to do it (verbal communication and non-verbal communication).
3. Let speak and listen to your partner’s wishes, concerns, desires, uncertainties and feelings.
4. Express your opinion respecting the turns, without imposing or becoming a monologue. Keep in mind that giving your opinion is not about changing the opinion of your partner, but reaching a common point. It is not worth thinking that you will always be absolutely right about everything, things are not black or white but there are color scales.
5. Welcome your emotions. Think about the importance your partner is giving to what they are saying and let them know: I understand you, I know you want it.
6. Acknowledge the positive of what your partner poses and tell him how you feel about what you do not like.
7. Together, find solutions to the present fact, avoiding bringing up what has been done wrong by the other in the past.
8. Respect the decisions made.
9. Learn to ask for forgiveness and to know how to accept apologies.
10. Do not wait for the other to give his arm to twist after an argument, do it yourself, reason your reasons already cold and understand you.

Partner communication is the success of a relationship. The great challenge of life is good communication, and promoting it in the couple makes it possible to build and consolidate a good emotional bond, generating well-being and positive emotions in the couple and in the family.

You can train and enhance your resources and skills, to make your communication in the couple improve and share a better relationship. We can help you achieve this here at Relationship Counselling Australia with the expertise of our professionals.